Limerick, Ireland, the thrid largest city in Ireland. Sounds like a nice place right? You might vaguely remember having heard of it before. Must be nice. It's Ireland. Not the case. Limerick ranks in the top five worst cities I've ever visited. It's actually fighting Naples, Italy for first.
 |
St. John's Cathedral. Across the street from
where I was almost mugged. |
I visited Limerick on my first day to Ireland, so this was my very first impression of the country. Rude cabby, no elevators, dirty city, and cat calls. Lots and lots of loud, embarrassing, cat calls. I mean, I was wearing a turtleneck, had no makeup on, and my hair was greasy from flying fourteen hours and I still go hit on. What are these men, starving for it? Well, that might be true because the women of limerick are an interesting bunch. If you haven't seen the BBC documentary of
Big Fat Gypsy Wedding, do yourself a favor and watch it. They couldn't make that stuff up! And what's more is these people actually exist. From watching the show you'd think that this must be some small tiny sub-culture, when in truth, it actually seeps further into the mainstream culture than you'd imagine.
It's not everyone, but many women here dress like they are on the Jersey Shore. Mind you, it is freezing outside. The makeup taste is that of a
Bratz doll. The worst offense has to be the animal print lycra. Grown women, in their 50s, are wearing lame, gold, cheetah print leggings with glitter shirts and giant bows in their hair. This might be acceptable from a fourteen year old, but isn't if you have a fourteen year old. Anyways, enough about their style.
My almost mugging... The city is full of loons. On our first day Ellie and I decided to walk the city and see some sights. While walking to visit
St. John's Cathedral we pass a homeless woman, who was obviously drunk. She asked Ellie for a euro and Ellie obliged. Ellie looked in her purse for a euro, but found none and told the woman she didn't have any change. The woman then asked for five euros. Five euros is seven dollars. Not wanting Ellie to give her seven bucks I offered that I had change. While I was fishing out a euro from my change pouch this woman moved to the side of me. She told me, "Be careful with all that money in your purse." I dismissively told her, "I will." After giving her the euro, she began to touch my arm and back. I asked her, "Please don't touch me." She proceeded to tell me, "I'm not going to rob you." And then out of nowhere she says, "I'm not going to hurt you." With that said, she grabbed a first full of my hair from the back of my head and yanks me into a move from
The Matrix. I step on her foot, elbow her in the the ribs, and begin to run away. Laughing at me she yells, "I'm going to get you," like the
Wicked Witch of the West. I responded with, "I know kung fu, bitch!" Which I don't, but it guess it was some sort of odd defense strategy. All the while, Ellie is just standing there in a Facebook browsing oblivion! Her sister and only travel partner is standing a mere two feet away, getting accosted by an angry, drunken Irish woman. I mean passersby across the street are stopping to watch the show, and yet Ellie doesn't notice a thing besides the status updates on her stunning, new, 4-inch Apple retina display. Thanks Ellie. Thanks.
After I grabbed Ellie's arm, yelling to hurry, we ran across the street and ducked into the church. Sanctuary! What we failed to notice were all the people outside dressed in black. There was a funeral going on inside the church. We quietly slipped out the side door and headed back to our hotel. That was enough action for one morning.
The one redeeming thing about Limerick, other than the history, was Penny's. Penny's is the most amazing discount store I've ever shopped. Cheaper than H&M with more forward and fresh styles. I mean I found thigh high nylons for one euro! If you want the ones that stay up on their own without a garter belt only a euro fifty. That never happens. Anyways, it is a brilliant store and definitely worth a visit.
Once we were out of Limerick several locals told us that the city is nicknamed Stab Town. One man said it's called Stab Town because only a few wealthy criminals can afford guns. Great. Just great. I'm glad we made it out alive.
